mrsdanvers1940

Mingle² - Online Dating

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:
sex (3x) fucking (2x) bitch (1x)

Well, I guess life is pretty R-rated.

Fridays are always a little different, aren’t they? You wake up a little earlier, you feed your cat with an extra flourish/dance step, your turn on some Three Dog Night in your car and as you shift into reverse, pull out of the driveway extra slowly to avoid hitting any stray kittens, and shift into first and head on your way you feel like you, like *you*, are on the road to Sham-ba-la. Aoooooooooooooooh, yeah!

But, really, you’re just on the road to the same crummy desk job you’ve been at for 8 months. On the road to sitting in a cube and staring at scattered pieces of paper you intend to do something about. Like the Company Pet Photo Contest flier. One of the categories is “Best Costumed Pet.” I plan to throw that one away.

I think working feels a little bit extra pointless when you work in a cubicle. You can’t see anyone’s smiling faces, you can’t see the sunset out a window (not that anyone actually works until sunset), and your day is almost completely predictable. You know something new and amazing isn’t going to cross your path, because you aren’t even in a path. You’re in a dead end.

My favorite project manger—a hard-working, caring and appreciative power lesbian who loves cats—is leaving this lousy cube world for our corporate office. Everyone good eventually leaves this place. And yet, this is not by far the worst job I’ve ever had. It’s actually the best. I really hope that says more about the job market than it says about me, but I kind of suspect it’s a little of both. So that means that if I think I’m a good person, which deep down I probably do, I’m gonna have to get off my ass and prove it to myself by eventually veering out of this dead end and onto greater, possibly bumpier roads. Trouble is I don’t wanna. I wanna get home, pet my cat, eat sugary cereal and watch TV. I wanna pretend like there’s nothing to worry about or to do, because I am employed and I’m using my degree. But I know there’s something more, and I feel a little guilty for not bothering to find it. Maybe someday I’ll bother. Maybe today?

Nah. Maybe some other Friday.


Shambala isn’t drugs, is it?

...like, when you're a day or two late for your period, if maybe you're carrying the next messiah? Or is that just me?

Or am I the only one not having sex?

Me, carting 15 boxes of binders from the front office to my cube: I feel kinda silly having gone to college to build binders.

Overworked receptionist: *laughs* Well, I feel kinda silly working 18 years to answer phones!

Me: Yeah...I guess life's just like that.

Her: Yeah.

a Cowboy You scored 6 Honor, 4 Justice, 9 Adventure, and 4 Individuality!

Well pardner, the thing that drives you is a sense of adventure. You're willing to play by the rules, but only so long as you've got open territory to cover and new frontiers to explore. You don't need much and you don't ask much. Strap on your six gun and wear your Stetson proud. I think you'll do just fine

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on Ninjinuity You scored higher than 99% on Knightlyness You scored higher than 99% on Cowboiosity You scored higher than 99% on Piratical Bent

Link: The Cowboy-Ninja-Pirate-Knight Test written by fluffy71 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

http://www.travbuddy.com/widget_map_display.php?id=182895

Well, he broke up with me. Wasn't patient enough to wait for me to find time to talk with him about our problems one more time, so he decided to just do it over an email. Five months of caring and love-making and love-building and trying to make it work. Gone. Here 'tis:

Okay, so the reason I have been trying (unsuccessfully) to see you is because I want to break up. I didn't feel it would be right to not do so in person, but in light of the email this is a reply to it may be better this way. I have wanted to break up for awhile now but it seemed like it would be a good idea to give the relationship a chance. After several "chances" that I as well I'm sure as you have given it, it appears to be painfully obvious this is not going to work out. A lot of the times we spent together were fun and I like you as a person. You never were able to open up to me and for some reason felt that I bared ill will towards you. This was never the case, my intentions were always to help you with whatever you needed. When I did give my help with out asking for anything in return you resented me for it. I'm sure that there are several things that both of us could have done to improve our interactions. Despite anything that happened in our relationship I think you are a great person. If you want to talk feel free to call me if not I understand.

Everyone gets songs in their head, associates songs with situations...When I first starting falling in love with my boyfriend I thought "Wow, this is just like that Billy Joel song." Now I'm thinking "Wow, I feel like that Alanis Morisette song." I guess it's easier to think in song lyrics than my own words. Or it's easier to know that multi-katrillionaires have felt the same way. Or something. Also, Billy Joel needs more lyrics on his official site so I don't have to copy them from random lyrics sites.

That Billy Joel Song:
if you'd say goodbye to me tonight
there would still be music left to write
what else could I do
I'm so inspired by you
that hasn't happened for the longest time

Once I thought my innocence was gone
now I know that happiness goes on
that's where you found me
when you put your arms around me
I haven't been there for the longest time

woohoohoohoo for the longest time
woohoohoo for the longest time

I'm that voice your hearing in the hall
and the greatest miracle of all
is how I need you
and how you needed me too
that hasn't happened for the longest time

maybe this won't last very long
but you feel so right
and I could be wrong
maybe I've been hoping too hard
I've gone this far
and it's more than I hoped for

Who knows how much further we'll go on
maybe I'll be sorry when your gone
I'll take my chances
I forgot how nice romance is
I haven't been there for the longest time

I had second thoughts at the start
I said to myself
hold on to your heart
now I know the woman that you are
you're wonderful so far
and it's more than I hoped for

I don't care what concequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things
I want you so bad
I think you oughta know that
I intend to hold you for the longest time


That Alanis Morisette song:
Do I stress you out
My sweater is on backwards and inside out
And you say how appropriate
I don't want to dissect everything today
I don't mean to pick you apart you see
But I can't help it
There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off
Slap me with a splintered ruler
And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already
If only I could hunt the hunter

And all I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance

Do I wear you out
You must wonder why I'm relentless and all strung out
I'm consumed by the chill of solitary
I'm like Estella
I like to reel it in and then spit it out
I'm frustrated by your apathy
And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land
If only I could meet the Maker
And I am fascinated by the spiritual man
I am humbled by his humble nature

What I wouldn't give to find a soul mate
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred

Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute
Enough about you, let's talk about life for a while
The conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses
Falling all around...all around

Why are you so petrified of silence?
Here can you handle this?
Did you think about your bills, you ex, your deadlines
Or when you think you're gonna die
Or did you long for the next distraction
And all I need now is intellectual intercourse
A soul to dig the hole much deeper
And I have no concept of time other than it is flying
If only I could kill the killer

All I really want is some peace man
A place to find a common ground
And all I really want is a wavelength
All I really want is some comfort
A way to get my hands untied
And all I really want is some justice...

Like I probably said yesterday, I'm really bad with last-minute things. I probably should have just told you over the phone that we weren't ready for you, since you were so eager to move things once you got here. Or perhaps I should never have accepted the offer for use of your dad's truck in the first place, since it seems to have caused me more stress and guilt than it's worth and since you seem to be constantly annoyed by the notion of helping me move things. Even though you insist you wouldn't do it if you didn't want to, you make comments about how much you're going to have to hurt yourself moving the washer and get upset at me for thinking moving a large dresser with mirror over an entire back yard makes less sense than waiting for removal of said mirror and simply moving it through the front door. Your impatience yesterday baffled me a little (where were you in a hurry to get to? and didn't you know that I wouldn't be ready for you if I didn't know you were coming ahead of time?) and made me feel an intense amount of guilt and sadness over having asked you to help in the first place. I think it's probably best if I figure out how to get the rest of the large items over there by myself and with the help of my family. And I wish you would let me pay for the gas and annoyance you spent helping me when you did.

I hate the way I become when I'm around you lately. I'm guilt-ridden and mousy and withdrawn and scared to say or do anything. Yes, a lot of that is me. I'm overly sensitive to the moods of those around me. But part of it is the fact you rarely share anything with me but negative comments and a sour expression. Unless we're in bed together. Then you seem to, sometimes anyway, be sort of happy to be with me.

We haven't been in situations together lately that would make you happy. I'm glad, then, that for most of the week when you're not with me you get to engage in those activities with your friends. I haven't had the mental capacity lately to try to think of what would make you happy, because I have been so engulfed in my own issues. This makes me extremely bad girlfriend material. And I think you believe that too. You seemed happy to get rid of me last evening, and I can't blame you.

I feel like I don't know or understand you at all. If I knew you, if I always knew where you stood I would be much more comfortable and open and just in a better mood when I was around you. Even if knowing where you stood meant knowing you hated me. You always say you wouldn't do things if you didn't want to. But what would you do if you were doing what you wanted to instead of what you simply weren't opposed to? I know I'm not giving you enough sex or affection or understanding for you to stay with me for normal, superficial reasons. So I guess you must either care about me or...something else. I must care a lot about you, too, or I wouldn't be obsessing unhealthily over every detail.

I need to actually know how you're feeling. I can't just let it be one of those Guy Things that I forget about, because all of my opinions are based on it. And when you don't tell me I make assumptions. And then you tell me they're wrong. But what's right? How do you feel when the only time you spend with me is spent moving furniture?

I feel like our entire relationship is riding on the fact that I can't seem to make myself move into my new place. Which of course makes me feel more stress and more pressure about it. Which makes it take even longer than the forever it already feels like it's taking. And then you say that you don't really care, or that I shouldn't care what you think if you do care. If I shouldn't care what you think then whose opinion should I care about? And when you make existential comments about me not mattering, how am I supposed to take that? I'm supposed to believe that you hate all of humanity, but I should stay with you anyway in spite of my being a human? Your philosophies seem to dictate you shouldn't give a monkey's asshole about me. Maybe you should even kill me, or at least render me infertile.

So, yeah, I am frustrated with the way things are between us. I called you last night around 8pm (you told me around 6-something to call you later if I felt like it) to ask if you wanted to perhaps spend the night with me tonight at my new place, talking about all the things I just wrote or maybe just trying to enjoy each other's company. But you didn't answer, and I couldn't think of a voice mail to leave. And you never called back. I guess in theory you could be calling back now, since my phone is away from me, but you're probably still asleep.

I feel better having written these things, and the wise thing to do would be to not send them to you. I will do the next least-wise thing and post them on a public journal for the negative judgment I so love.

Probably never. Not completely anyway. I don't know how to make it feel like my home, like my ultimate destination. It's just a tiny stinkin' condo and I want to sell it whenever I can afford the payments on a real house.
I guess I'll keep letting my boyfriend borrow his dad's truck, although I pay in guilt what he won't let me pay in gas money or favors every time it happens.
I guess I will find out as I go along.
Boyfriend continually volunteers. I'm too sensible to turn him down. Too greedy.
I heard JC Penny was having a sale...
Because it isn't where I wanted to be. It will never be where I want to be.

When I make a decision.
Aye, there's the rub...
Then I hope that I can relax and take comfort in my mediocrity someday.
My parents are always there for me, but they have their own agendas. My boyfriend does not seem to give any kind of a shit about what I do with my life.
Up, I hope.
Because it is the only measure I know. It's the only measure that I know will bring me comfort, security and a home.

I think he logically knows that we are different.
But I don't think he cares. He has an illogical attraction to me. I'm his first girlfriend. First lay, too. Guys get attached too, you know.
I will probably have to realize it for the both of us. But not yet.
Perhaps if I break up with him he will get drunk (it's what he does best) and say "Fuck her!" along with his brother (also a drunk) or his female friend (who he would do much better to date than me).
He has no fucking clue. I don't know if he even wants to get one. But what right do I have to push him?
He is clingy. He hasn't had a real girlfriend before, or had sex with anyone besides me. I'm his first, his friend, his validation, his pseudo-mom.

In the instant before I die. Or perhaps the instant after.
By learning how not to obsess over what other people think, say, or do in reaction to me.
Then I hope to God I figure it out before I hit fifty. Or at least before I hit 80.
No one really gives a fuck about what I'm doing. As long as it doesn't affect them adversely.
In myself.
Because what else is there to do?

When will I be done moving into the new place I bought?
How am I going to get everything I need over there?
What do I need to live a life on my own, in my own place?
Who should I make help me?
Where should I buy curtains? Oh, the fucking curtains...
Why is this so completely, shatteringly stressful for me?

When will I get a better job/make more money/get more education to achieve either or both of those things?
How will I decide what direction to go?
What if there is nothing better for me?
Who can help me realize my goals and who wants to stop me?
Where am I supposed to go?
Why am I so concerned with financial success?

When will my boyfriend realize our personalities clash?
How will he cope with this realization?
What if he never realizes it?
Who will he tell what a crazy bitch I am? Who does he tell now?
Where does he want to go with his life?
Why does he want to take me with him?

When will I reach my potential?
How am I going to get there?
What if the potential I'm trying to reach isn't mine?
Who, if anyone, cares about what I'm trying to do?
Where should I place my loyalties?
Why do I care?

On a condo. Of my own. My bank account is scarily low, and I have no idea how I am going to make the payments, but I did it anyway. I can never leave the house again. If I get fired or the company crumbles I am SOL. I'd better get a job at someplace more secure. And better-paying.

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Modern, Cool Nerd 56 % Nerd, 60% Geek, 47% Dork

For The Record: A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia. A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one. A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions. You scored better than half in Nerd and Geek, earning you the title of: Modern, Cool Nerd. Nerds didn't use to be cool, but in the 90's that all changed. It used to be that, if you were a computer expert, you had to wear plaid or a pocket protector or suspenders or something that announced to the world that you couldn't quite fit in. Not anymore. Now, the intelligent and geeky have eked out for themselves a modicum of respect at the very least, and "geek is chic." The Modern, Cool Nerd is intelligent, knowledgable and always the person to call in a crisis (needing computer advice/an arcane bit of trivia knowledge). They are the one you want as your lifeline in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (or the one up there, winning the million bucks)! Congratulations! Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in any of the following: Buffy the Vampire Slayer Professional Wrestling Love & Sexuality America/Politics Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on nerdiness You scored higher than 99% on geekosity You scored higher than 99% on dork points

Link: The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test written by donathos on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

After having been a temp for four months at this company I finally talked my way into being hired. The company's policies on hiring are unfair and have caused me great amounts of stress. Before this, I worked at a semi-truck dealership for Spring and Summer of 2006. I was a temp there for 90 days. Before that, I was a Donor Recruiter for the Red Cross, where I was also a temp, never to be hired but possibly to be extended. Discussing my company's policy with an older coworker, she said:

Office Co-Worker: The way things are going most people will be temps most of their life. That is one of may reasons we need a nationalized health care system. Employers should not have to keep people as temps because they can not afford to give them benifits. Benifits were created as an ensntive during the wage freezes durring the world wars. The wars have been over a long time, it is time to move on.

She has a good, if slightly misspelled, point. I've been saying we need a better health care system for years, but I never really thought about why it is the way it is and why no one has done anything to change it. Do any of you have any ideas about that or know any good organizations/websites that say something about it? I'm in the mood to write letters to Senators.

Your results:
You are Mystique

Mystique 61% Magneto 59% Dr. Doom 56% Apocalypse 54% Green Goblin 49% Lex Luthor 47% Mr. Freeze 47% Poison Ivy 46% The Joker 41% Catwoman 41% Riddler 33% Two-Face 33% Venom 31% Juggernaut 29% Kingpin 25% Dark Phoenix 23%

Sometimes motherly, sometimes a beautiful companion, but most of the time a deceiving vixen.

Click here to take the Super Villain Personality Test


I'm a supermodel!

My sister is sad. Her cat most likely had kidney disease. I wouldn't be as worried if I didn't know that no one at that house is going to take care of her. Poor kitty.

I helped said sister move into her new apartment yesterday, a task which perfectly highlighted how out-of-shape I am. My face was red, my breath short, my arms aching. So, New Year's Resolution? No more moving. Or more exercise. I haven't decided yet.

After the move I went home and took too long showering and doing my hair--I supposed because both activities are calming. Somehow I got up the energy to drive forty-five minutes to a game-playing gathering of geeks at a friend's grandma's house, and somehow I got my second wind enough to tear it up in Taboo and not fall asleep at the wheel on the 3am-ish drive to my boyfriend's (who had invited me to the party) place. You wouldn't think someone's grandma's would be the place to hang, but this lady was really cool. She's from Holland (line of clogs at the end of the bed) and she and her family went to Indonesia to escape the Germans during the war, only to be put in a concentration camp by the Japanese (who she kinda hates now). She made a lot of good eats, including turkey, beets, candies and spring rolls, and is really sweet and funny. I can understand why people like going to these parties.

I was planning on sleeping in disturbingly late today, since tonight is a late night for everyone (Happy New Year, all!), but my dad phones awhile ago because he and his two MALE friends could not figure out how to switch the TV in our basement from Aux to Video. Whatta packa maroons. So now boyfriend is asleep, I'm awake with an unreliable wireless connection, and hopefully dad is watching football.

Happy non-parenthetical New Year, everyone.

So, last night my dad actually said these words to a woman begging for change in a parking lot:

"Get a job!"


I was so proud.

...allowing your siblings to read your livejournal.